April 9, 2008

Money and Infidelity

by Jeannie Giordano

Unexpected bumps might be in store for couples who fail to discuss financial expectations before marriage.

Balancing marriage and financial issues can be daunting. Should she be allowed to spend $100 on a new handbag without discussing it with her husband first? Should he be allowed to buy sporting tickets to go to a game with his friends without discussing it with his wife first?

Shifting from being able to spend without question, to checking with a spouse before buying may end up leaving one or both partners feeling cramped. Joining in a marriage comes with many decisions, including deciding whether to open a joint bank account and get rid of individual bank accounts, or to keep each person's original account and also open a joint account for shared expenses and spending. A certain amount of discretionary spending can also be predetermined, for example, deciding that a spouse must be consulted for any purchases over $200.

The picture becomes more complicated when taking into account whether the couple has a duel-income or if one is a stay-at-home spouse. If one partner isn't working while staying at home to raise children, how should discretionary income be budgeted for? Each partner will need some money to spend freely in order to feel independent.

Financial infidelities can come in many flavors, including hiding a purchase or getting cash back when making purchases and pocketing the change. Another way couples commit financial adultery is by fibbing about purchasing something and telling their spouse that they've had it all along.

One particularly heinous example of financial infidelity is having a secret bank account, which many agree might be grounds for divorce. Another might be having a secret credit card.

Revealing your mistake anonymously online can be a good first start. Supportive online websites for revealing secrets and confessions can give you the freedom to reveal yourself without fear. Getting to the root of why you are keeping the secret from your spouse is critical to solving the issue.

Keeping secrets is risky business in more ways than one. It can ruin your marriage, but it can also ruin your health. Confessing anonymously online is a great way to start the process of telling the truth without fear. Once the ball is rolling, confessing to your spouse could be the next step.

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Filed under Personal Finance by Jeannie Giordano

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